For everyone else it’s about the end of summer and for me it’s about having an extra day off. I feel like it’s a gift of gold. I worked in a “sortof” quiet office until after 6 last night. Everyone else gone home for the holidays – but even emergencies happen at 5 p.m. that needs HR right this minute – no later – but right now. Despite the urgent matters that cannot ever wait, I was able to finish with getting thirty or forty people individually enrolled in their life insurance for Sept (nothing is automated much so it’s a manual enrollment of each person on a web site). I guess that is akin to ordering forty orders on various websites, if you can imagine – having to enter all the name, address, and all the other data and their selections selections. It took several hours and then I got two months worth of OSHA log updates done. That was a relief. Now a new month is about to start, OY VEY, lol. So the fight for time continues. And it will either get done, or not. But you know I’ll give it my best try. I’m just not going to be working as many hours ongoing. I know, I know I have said that before, but…I am going to enjoy my fall and work is not going to destroy my life as it has done in the past in the fall and holiday months. Also quarter end is in Sept so I’ll be able to do even less for HR ongoing. Bless it’s heart. I feel bad but we need help. I’ve asked for help in the interim. We’ll see.

Wonder what will happen if I have to be off with Mom or someone in the family needs me for what ever reason. The company will be in a pickle with us short of help. Then it’ll be short two people. Nothing in life is guaranteed. We were short already before I moved to payroll. Anyway, Mom is getting older and will be needing me more and so this mess needs to sort itself out soon because we never know when we will be needed. I can’t be the savior of HR at this point. And I’m going to be scheduling a couple of days of vacation and I’ve decided not to wait to do it. Probably another day in Sept, another in Oct and then I have my Thanksgiving week when we go to Texas and then I have a few days in the month of December to shop and wrap. So hopefully they get someone in there soon b/c it’s all going to fall through the cracks in the floor if not. A lot already has. I can try to be glue to glue things back together but I can no longer keep the pot from breaking. That is best analogy I can give without writing a book on it.

So I have had some time this morning while sipping coffee to list all the things I’m behind on at home that I have on my to do list. Some perhaps I can get to this weekend as I FORGET that work exists.

  • Making George and I some “Nashville HOT Chicken”
  • Coming up with some new and easy work day recipes for healthier eating for the two of us.
  • Finding a Spring Form baking pan for the Spain dessert that I will be making for our Spain themed dinner in October.
  • Making sure mine and George’s calendars are meshing – there are some events that I don’t have on my calendar yet that he has. We have a tendency to get really busy in the fall months.
  • Plan our Thanksgiving week in Texas and make reservations
  • Plan our Thanksgiving weekend with Mom
  • Plan Christmas time
  • Decide on places for my list for our Anniversary (look up new places and see the suggestions that people gave me on Facebook). Then George and I are going to a brewery to “play the game” to select our spot. I am also going to have some “new twists” to the game as I am going to create some “cards” that we draw that say “skip a turn”, “add something to the list”, “cross off two”, “say something nice about your partner”, “talk about a favorite memory”, all amidst the picking. Normally “the game” is to take turns crossing off the list. But I plan to mix it up a bit.
  • Get a car wash
  • Pressure wash my car mats – they are Weather Tech but need cleaning
  • Go the grocery store – I missed last week and I spent lots of money on lunch this week – eating out and doing Uber Eats
  • Check on Katy and talk to her. Feel like we haven’t been able to talk much. I’m always working.
  • Figure out my vacay days so I can go get my glasses done.
  • We are getting my tires done today – two new ones
  • And we are shopping at Walmart for a lamp for my office at work so I can cut the overheads and have “soft light”.
  • Put my headphones and Ipod back into my work day backpack so I can listen to calming music next week.
  • Put a cot in my office (just kidding)
  • Wash the doggie blankets and change the people sheets
  • Get the yard sale date on the calendar and begin gathering and marking the items. Need to do that NOW.
  • Need to get some birthday reminders on the calendar
  • Christmas Ideas and websites that I have in mind.
  • Switch over the whites and the fall clothes b/w my current closet and the spare closet. I love playing with the clothes.
  • Finally get that new curling hair brush ordered
  • Get back with our Crochety Gourmet group and let them know if we can join them for the date they picked.
  • Pick movies on Netflix
  • Use my audible credits
  • Do some much needed Bible study
  • Watch 90210
  • Check on my friends
  • Do my Isagenix order
  • REorg the hall closet (Where we keep all kinds of lotions, meds, cleaners, household supplies and catch all stuff. Need to get rid of a lot that we are not going to use.
  • Work on my Magazine project. These are about a year’s worth of things I’ve folded over in magazines: websites to check out, products to check out, travel places to think about, recipes.
  • Reorg my office a bit. More on the reason for that later.
  • Look at the Mac computers and see what I think as far as which one is for me.
  • Blog decor. I’m over this “theme” but a little afraid to try a new one”, but I’m going to have to go for it. You know me, I really like having a change of theme to look at. Do you? Don’t you like that too? You like to come here and see the same thing all the time or enjoy looking at the variety of things?

And just some other things on my mind:

  1. I have made the decision (over time) – as God, George, and work, and my own desires/wishes for my life – have come to fruition. I will no longer be treating Isagenix as a “side hustle business” for me. I reserve the right to change that at any time, and may at some point. But for the following reasons, I’ve decided not to actively pursue and push for the goals I had set from a business perspective.
  • Work is really stressful right now and yes it will iron itself out once everyone gets the ducks in a row. But the truth of the matter is, it is difficult to get to the New Year kick off and now that I am in payroll/accounting there is to much going on for me to be traveling. And the Global event for sure is on a Monday. I’m probably not going to be planning but one vacay a year that involves a full week and I want to spend that with family. And when I take vacay for these events, it takes away vacay with the family. Last year worked great b/c George didn’t get vacay and I needed to burn the time. Plus in the upcoming years I’ll be needing to take FMLA time to care for Mom and such so will be burning hours for that. And they say your success is really if you can get to the events and if that is out then I’m kinda already not “in the game”.
  • I was missing having time for myself. To be able to enjoy time off, play a game, read, watch shows, and found myself doing that anyway and forsaking the business. I would try to have “power hours” and while I did very much enjoy connecting with people and planning business posts and doing all that, there were other parts of my life I was missing.
  • When it became evident that George did not really seem interested in traveling much and was telling me I’d be leaving him if I set off on such an adventure on my own – I had to make a decision – pretty much – whether I wanted to save my marriage or not. Well hell no, I’m not going to give up my marriage for an adventure. I won’t say that is not tempting at times, lol. But no I am not going to do that. No it’s not fair to have to give up my dream but my goal was to buy a really cool RV with the money from Isagenix as I progressed with the business over several years. And with him not very interested it just seems pointless to work my butt off in a side hustle for an RV just to have for a periodic 2 hour trip away somewhere every now and then. Why pay for that when you can plan weekend gettaways and just stay in a hotel. He doesn’t share this dream with me and so it seems pointless.
  • I’m almost 57. And the above said, I don’t really want to spend the rest of days “hustling” – lol. Thus this blog. I also don’t want to be hustling at work either doing double days of work. It hurts your feelings and makes you feel taken advantage of when you are there early and also the last one to leave by hours. It’s just not right. I’m ready to slow down in my life and not work harder than ever before. So having a side hustle with no reason now, is just not necessary. Tribe has spoken.
  • I’m tired of “the hype”. I’m tired of posts that are meant to make you feel guilty b/c if you are not doing what everyone wants you to do people will post things that try to make you feel bad, guilty, or that you are not doing enough and all that. I see right through that. My uppers were great for me and they have been so good to me and this is not about them. They have let me be me and love me anyway and I love them to death.
  • People don’t believe you when you tell them how good the product is. I’m not a very good sales person. I love to talk about it but there is so much out there that people just think you are there to sell to them and well of course we were selling it, but the fact is – there is nothing that has helped me as much as this system, but b/c you ARE selling it, people don’t believe you. I’m ok with continuing to sell it and I’m not quitting that part. If someone wants it they can let me know. And I may post about it and encourage it as I truly do want to be able to “help” people with this nutrition thing. I will always be available for that and may talk about it and even push that at times. But I’m done trying to set appointments and connecting and going outside my comfort zone. I don’t have to so therefore I’m not. I don’t like trying to convince people to believe what I believe. They can either believe or not. Their choice. Also their loss if they don’t but I’ll never say that to anyone. lol There are other ways to get nutrition but its just not as easy. The cost seems high but it’s really not once it levels out and you spread it out over time. It’s helped me so much having all this on hand. But I’m done with the phone calls unless someone schedules it with me. I won’t be the one knocking on their facebook in box.
  • I’m wanting my Tuesday nights back. I’m tired of the “fads” changing of what to try for prospecting. lol Everyweek its another thing. It was fun for a while but I found myself running around like a chicken and the way I work – I’m either all in or can’t do it b/c my heart is one of those thorough types and I can’t half way do anything. I didn’t have time to do this FT or I would have been powerfully successful at it. But I’m just over it all. I need my time back. I need my life back. No more side hustles and no more working two jobs at my own FT job. Tribe has spoken again. lol
  • All that said I love Isagenix and I am willing to help anyone but I’m not chasing after anybody. They are gonna have to come knocking on my door and asking for my time. Which I will find time for but that is just the way it will be. And no one gets an RV off THAT but I’ve decided that is ok. Life will go on and if God wants me to have an RV, he’ll provide the way, the RV, the time, and the money. He knows the desires of my heart. But I’m not leaving my marriage to do it. Even though some days I feel like walking out of my job, driving over to the RV place down the road and just picking an RV and going. I would never do that but I do fantasize about it when work gets crazy.

And that is why I want to reorg my office a bit and make it repurposed for what I need it for now that I’ve made this decision. My personal files will be in the top drawer instead of the business files. I will be throwing some stuff away, and using the calendars and bulletin boards for other things, to do lists, and other things. It’s kinda sad in a way that I got so excited over this business and it was all manifested by being able to dream about getting the RV and traveling extendedly and then it began to fizzle when George didn’t share my excitement and now with the job change – there is just less time and opportunity to be able to do this and do it right. And just no reason to do it now. I’ll keep on doing the nutrition and will be able to sell if I choose but it’s not going to be a full on “side hustle” anymore. It’s not going to invade the every pocket of time I have anymore. I’m enjoying my time now (what little I’m not on the day job) doing other things I enjoy. It’s taken this job change to finally convince me fully. But I’m there. And I will be happy with that decision. Just mainly there is no point in breaking your neck for what would really ultimately be breaking your marriage. Because he is not wanting the same retirement dream. It’s not appealing to him. There is no dream that I can tell. So I will just be planning on playing games and reading and sitting in my recliner I guess, watching others live their dreams. lol.

And if you read all that to the very end, you MUST let me know so I can appreciate you. And that lets me say the second thing that is on my mind.

2. I appreciate all of you for reading and commenting and liking and all the things that you do in support of me and my life. You have no idea how much it means to know you read. 😉 Thank you!

Sorry no pics much today. Will have to do better about getting snapshots of my day. I’ve just been so focused on work that I’ve not had much of a social media presence anywhere lately.

But ahhhhh the holiday weekend is here. Let the home to do list be put in full force.

Pitiful Situation

Happy Friday!

Just saying “hi”. I’m not far away – just over worked. No one wants to sit and here me rant and whine and complain. And I haven’t had time to come here in the mornings as work has taken over my life. And this situation is most definitely NOT under control. There is still no HR Manager to take my place at work. So much of it is just not getting done and so many things going South. And it’ll just have to. Doing the best I can with 12 hour days – 13 and 14 something if you include the drive to work and back. Trying to solve needs but my best is not good enough. When people’s needs are not met they will just go hire attorneys I’m afraid. I’ve been able to field a lot of that off in the other position but there is no time to solve issues and do compliance and all that now. I don’t have time to do much of it or even have conversations with people, so it collects in huge stacks and issues unresolved or sent for someone else to do.

I work long days and then get tired (and a bit bent- that this has gone on so long) and then I will work a few short days to rest and just let the work stack up I guess b/c I deserve a life. Then I go back to longer days and try to catch up b/c I care about the people having their needs met. But I realize the more I try the more I realize there is to do and I’m like “one more hour” “ok another hour”….but I never get there. And just leave in frustration.

I’m glad we have a holiday. It forces me to take a day off. Because I’m about burned out now. And then next week is a 4 day week. It’ll be hard enough getting my own job done with payroll next week. I’ll be living at work paying for the holiday day off. But Thursday I have an appointment at 5 so I’ll have to leave early that day. Regardless of what sits on the table as I’ve had this appt set for weeks. It’ll be all I can do to get the payroll job done and checks out. So —oh well. I need to go get my new glasses so I can see but they are only open during the week. I’ll be scheduling that soon regardless of what is going on.

But I’ve been drinking coffee and playing a game in the mornings to get my mind off of things as I wake up instead of starting my day with my feelings here. Best just to ignore them and how I feel. But I figured you wondered where I am. I’m just floored right now that it has been a month and still no one here yet. I know they are trying as they have time and have someone in mind. I could sit in a ball and cry though til this all gets resolved. I am so tired. And over it already.

I’m sitting here thinking to myself, is all this healthy and worth it? No it’s not. I’m not going to be able to continue these hours to try and do both.

I’m going to love the new job when the old one quits knocking at the door. It’s just sad. It’s like turning a relative away at the door and saying I have no room at the Inn for you. But that is what it is like. It’s so hard to just turn your back on what you have worked so hard at. But I have no choice. There is only so many hours in the day and so it all just sits there in a pile, or on a voice mail, or on an email. But just having to tell folks – “someone will get to it when they can as HR is down a person”. I don’t know how the government compliance will like that answer though? Bless their hearts. lol “Sorry ain’t nobody got time for dat new EEO reporting you guys came up with.” I had to tell my old boss about that one so he can get someone to do it. I won’t be able to.

You can’t tell people – if you are not a component of payroll or a tax or an auditor -(yes, even that is happening this week of all things) you don’t get any attention, lol! But that’s kinda what is happening b/c there’s not enough of me to go around to meet all the needs in this situation. I kinda think George is tired of picking up the slack too. I come home, eat, go to bed, get up and do it again. Not much time for anything else and I’m all beat to death anyway by the time I get home. I am not in the mood for household chores – no time for it anyway.

So it’s Friday and while everyone else is joyous, I’m over here biting my nails wondering how bad next week is gonna be since it’s a 4 day week.


Organizing Frenzy

Do you ever get something new in the household and it sets of an organizing frenzy? I recently gave George the air fryer and we love it so much that making it part of the counter seemed like the thing to do. So I set off on an organizing frenzy in an effort to find room. Funny thing is, the air fryer is still not on the counter yet. I think we are enjoying the space for now. But likely it will join the countertop community soon. Side note: the Ninja food chopper, blender, milkshake maker is hardly used and at George’s suggestion may leave the countertop. But I’d really like it to stay. I like making hummus now and then and homemade salsa and have plans to get in there and cook more. So I think it will stay. But most importantly to me – my shake blender will stay on the counter. It’s used daily. They say whatever is used daily has permission to be on the counter top. (I know, I researched on Pinterest and found a lot of great organizational tips.) But mainly just took a dive in and got rid of some extra, moved some things out, put things where it was MOST functional, even if it’s a non-traditional move, and everything is so much better.

As much as we love spices- it would be fun to have spice shelves in cute little bottles and arrange them around the kitchen on shelves all around. But neh – too much work. We love glasses and bowls of all sizes and coffee mugs. WE have way too many and love most of them too much to get rid of them. So I worked hard on Sunday afternoon. Also when you are cleaning something else, you get to put off the vacuuming. I hate vacuuming b/c we are hard on vacuum cleaners and always needing a new one. No more using the new vacuums on the sun room lady bugs. That is the problem there. We can use the old vacuums for that. Soon I will be going to get yet another vacuum. They are doomed in this house to about two years I think.

Anyway, all of this needed doing regardless of said new kitchen gadget. And as tired as I was, I just needed to dispel of some nervous energy and wanted to be “one” (lol) with my house again as I’ve missed my domestic bliss when selling my soul to learn my new job while still trying to do some of the old one.

So I’ve got some pics. They are not perfect, but it’s perfect to me and happy all is organized again. Even the snack basket got a new look (crackers, torilla chips, nuts, etc.). And the pantry is organized and the dog center is in the kitchen now instead of the laundry and if used daily it should be where you use it. So in the kitchen it went. At this point in my life, and since the blue linoleum is still there and old counter tops and old stoves – we obviously are not interested (well one of us is not) in decor so might as well embrace the function so you have at least something going for ya. lol

Here ya go. Not the most “perty thing” but it’s “my perty”.

And so there ya have it. That was my Sunday afternoon and it felt soooo good. I’m wanting to cook now.

So I need to go. I overslept by 45 minutes and still wanted to blog. Now it’s time for me to leave and I’m not ready. Story of my blogging life. Blog wins. I’m still here. lol

And we have taco day at work. Also payroll processing day so perhaps a long day. Perhaps not. One never knows. A lot of HR stuff has built up but there is just no time to work on it and I’m over living there. I’ve missed coming home and leaving when everyone else does. But the payroll job itself I’m getting used to and getting faster. So I’m trying to sneak the other in – but it usually doesn’t happen until sometime on Friday. Anyway I just do the best I can. And need to get going. The later I get started the later I will be there. Ya’ll have a great day! Looking forward to the holiday weekend! Not looking forward to next week though losing a day of payroll processing. We are loosing the day of “checking”. Most of Monday is last minute gathering of vacation forms and coding them with incentive pay averages, and checking of time sheets for errors. We lose that day so it’ll have to be done the Friday before and if someone doesn’t people will be short. Because the direct deposits have to go in still regardless of the holiday. How well the various plants do at taking care of their folks on Friday before will determine how well it goes. We shall see. I need to tell my fingers to stop typing so I can get on the road. Better go. Ya’ll have a good one.

Weekend with Friends

Don and George at H Clark Distillery in Thompson’s Station, TN

We headed over Saturday to Don and Lisa’s and had snacks and then out to do some things. I believe George was a little quiet which I took as he was mad at me for being slow on Saturday morning. I was slower than I intended as I began the previous entries and did a lot of writing. Time melted into nothing quickly and I was shocked at how late it was. I guess when I write I enjoy it so much that I don’t know what time it is and I’ve been told I completely ignore everyone. I do that when I’m focused and I’m focused on something all the time. Anyway I felt bad as it put us at a late start and I could tell he was irritated at our late start. He did not want us to stop at Publix but I could not go empty handed to our friend’s house. So I made us late to being able to do what all he wanted Saturday afternoon. We didn’t go out for our excursions until late after our snacks and we didn’t get to one of our stops in time to do the tasting. So it was my fault but hopefully one will understand that I worked 6 days of the week last week and I really needed a few hours of my Saturday morning as “me time”. No one said anything, but I could tell he was not pleased. And then that made me not pleased. So just blame work I guess, lol. That’s the real culprit. lol

Everyone seemed to enjoy the little tour and tasting. Lisa let me taste hers. I didn’t really want to taste it. I’m not a hard liquor girl. But the story was interesting and the process was detailed. I think the pics above Lisa took and these below I took.

Then we went to the Bottle Shop in Franklin to show Don and Lisa. Everyone seemed to enjoy browsing through but we missed the tasting.

Then we went to eat at a Pizza Place in Franklin near Don and Lisa’s named “Soul Shine”. I thought I had a pic but evidently we just took a dive into it. lol They had cauliflower crust so I got my own pizza. Then we headed back for Don and Lisa’s for Key Lime Pie and a dip in the pool and hot tub. Then on to bed for me. We had a nice guest room with big bed and we all fit on it. 😉 Roger had a bit of an uncomfortable night waking us up and needing to go out and to get water, but we slept great otherwise. And then up the next day for coffee and bloody mary’s by the pool. I’m not a big bloody mary fan like the others but it was good! I loved the bacon and celery too that came in it. Funny how I like tomato salsa and tomatoes and tomato sauce, but not the juice so much. I’m trying to get over that.

The toads kept getting in the pool and they were big ones too. lol

And then we came home about lunch time and I started to work on the house. I reorganized a lot of things in the kitchen and pantry. And I’ll have to share those pics on the next entry. It’s 6 now and normally I’m on the road but I’m running late. I’m not too worried about it with all the hours I’ve put in lately. I just feel like I need another day at home to unwind, clean the house, finish laundry, go to the grocery and take care of a few things here. But no – life must go on. I can’t wait to get a vacay day but it won’t be this week. And not the week after. And probably not the one after that. But eventually.

I feel like I’ve been on the end of a whip lash line at the skating place. lol Everything is happening too fast. But we sure did enjoy our weekend with friends with Don and Lisa and Dillon and Amber and the doggies, where were pretty good.

Oh but sad news, we have not seen “Itty Bitty Kitty” for a couple of days. I’m glad I got to pet her and love on her really good the day before “she left”. Maybe she will come back. But she might not.

In an Effort to Understand One’s Self Part II

Well, it was kind of nice to take a trip down memory lane asking myself the same few questions in the previous entry – in each segment of my life. I really needed to see if my persona was the same as it was throughout. I think it is. And what gifts did I develop and what is it that God wants me to do. I can see that I always wanted to travel and do new and different things. (So many things not mentioned yesterday like our family gettaways to Florida – but you can only mention so many things in your entire life in one entry – lol). In looking back I see I always was thorough in my execution of things (to do lists and planning). Always wanting to look, and feel a certain way, and always with an interest in fashion, decorating, neatness and having themes. Always the writer and wanting to convey feelings this way instead of verbally. Also in how I developed my independence and sometimes mistrust of others. Also noticed that while I wanted to be loved and given attention in my life, I really wanted to be out of the view and judgment of others. Which is interesting b/c I’ve always found myself being judged and criticized and misunderstood by others. And there is nothing much that makes me madder or sadder than this. I never liked being under the microscope but have always found that I have been in one capacity or the other. As a preacher’s kid you were always watched and judged and often they were wrong. I didn’t mention it yesterday but I’ve been accused of things that I didn’t do b/c someone who did said it was me. Life has never been fair but I’ve always tried to make it that way. Anyway, it was interesting to take a very choppy look back to see what made me the way I am today and if there were elements of me today that I had as a child.

I also see that I have always been very “administrative” – and am good at managing a project and seeing it through and all of the steps in between. And having goals and reaching them was always a “thing”. So it was interesting to take a look book to see kinda how I developed and what types of things I liked to think about and focus on as I grew up. And to see what types of things upset me throughout. It was usually when frustrated or overwhelmed. And that remains to this day.

So I just had to come back and kinda finish a “Part II” to this. I didn’t get to finish recapping Saturday morning as this exercise took a chunk of my morning and was very surprised to see the time had flown and it was time to go and I was not ready and had to abruptly stop blogging and get ready. I just have not had enough “me” time lately to even be able to process a lot of things. And to be able to be me. Much less get the house organized and work done or to see my shows. We are not going anywhere next weekend. And no one better plan anything either. lol

In an Effort to Understand One’s Self

Do you ever spend time wondering why you are the way you are? Or why you are wired the way you are? Why you think the way you do? Have you always been the way you are? When did certain trends start? Are you ok? Do others think you are ok? Are you different than others? Why? Do you have a special calling or ability? What does God want you to do for Him? What are your talents really? What is your calling in life supposed to be? Am I having a mid life crisis? Who am I anyway? Or is it just me? What do I want to do with the rest of my life considering that I am who I am? What do I want to do with the time I have left in life? Do I want to plan it out and go that direction? Or let it be and be a feather in the wind? Do I need to be driven to a purpose? Or let the purpose find me? lol

Some of these things have been rolling around my head lately. And natural thoughts I suppose at age 56 when you are certain you know what you like, what you don’t like, what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. Some of those very thought processes led me to make a job/career change at age 56, because of what I value and because I am who I am. As this begins to get settled in my life (I hope, we’ll see) then I begin to wonder about the rest of it. Especially when considering what God would want me to be working on for Him. Doing household chores this morning, my mind has taken off on this – so much so I had to grab a legal pad and start writing my thoughts down while sipping coffee. It’s true what they say about the morning mind – don’t look at the phone, don’t get caught up in others agenda – go with your own thoughts and your own creations for the day. It’s quite amazing how our little brains can be when we give ourselves time to actually use it in creative ways. Life in itself often does not want to give us time to even think. I guess this is why meditation can be so important. A piece of it is emptying and dispelling unneeded info and thoughts and another part is capturing them – in my opinion. But we won’t discuss meditating today – and my meditating by the way is done while ironing or doing housework and not sitting Indian style with my fingers placed in a o-ring fashion. lol Although that would be quite nice if given the time.

So while pondering these thoughts today I wrote down the answers to these questions:

  1. What was my earliest thoughts as a child?
  2. What were my earliest goals as a child?
  3. What did I like to do as a child?
  4. What were my fears as a child?
  5. What were my meltdowns as a child?
  6. What types of things did I get in trouble for?

Now I’m asking myself why did I throw in #4, 5 and 6? What purpose does that serve? I’m trying to track what kinds of things led me astray or that I did wrong or why my persona is what it is. Might as well look at that too. I feel that all of these questions help get some definition as to who you really are, how you were formed, and have you always been the way you are? lol This is going to be good, I tell myself. I couldn’t wait to get paper and pen and get started.

AS a child?

  • I remember wanting to please
  • I remember wondering about God and how big he was and what he looked like and what the earth was like as a void before earth was made. I remember it blowing my mind. I closed my eyes and saw the dark void and tried to imagine how God created everything and then would open my eyes and see everything around me.
  • I remember liking nature, and being interested in it.
  • I loved to go fishing and going out to the farm with grandaddy
  • I loved learning sessions with my grandaddy as he taught me to read and write long before school started.
  • I was afraid of new things at first, whether I’d fit in, be ok, go to the right places, get lost. Afraid of being goofy or embarrassing myself or made fun of. Afraid of doing any sports b/c I didn’t grow up around PE or sports and it was so foreign to me. I wanted to have a pen in my hand and do writing and reading and thinking at school instead.
  • Any meltdowns I’d had – I heard I didn’t like my milkshake and threw it in the floor. I don’t remember that. But that explains my first real anger moment at inanimate objects, lol. That continues to this day. I may be heard having conversations with my computer, ink pen, chair or any thing around me. While I usually don’t throw things, I have.
  • I don’t remember crying much but did cry when given tasks that required more of me than I felt I could do – like cleaning my closet out at age 4 or 5. I was given the task and I didn’t know how to do it and became frustrated and began crying.
  • I remember liking to spend time with friends such as going to the movies, having sleepovers, talking. I liked to draw and write – making poems and collecting poems.
  • I remember getting in trouble mainly for going outside the boundaries- going further down the street than I was supposed to, going home with a friend on her bus instead of going home on mine. And I got in trouble also for talking back. I learned my independence from Mom and in trying to act like her because she was very open about stating her feelings and letting it be known how she felt about things or about others so… I would do the same and tell my Mom how I felt about her if she punished me or did something I didn’t like and usually got smacked. And probably rightly so. So I developed a fear for saying how I felt about someone or something and realized I could not say how I felt to a parent but could share with a friend w/o getting in trouble. And I guess I developed a fear of authority at that point and began my independence feature at that point. (The purpose of this exercise is not to hurt anyone – but to see how I am the way I am.)

As a young girl? Some of the above was also young girl but the lines – it is all kinda blurred anyway.

  • I remember being baptized at age 9 and wanted to do God’s work and picking out administrative things to do – on the church to do list.
  • I remember loving “SRA” a reading skill program and I loved to be competitive against myself (not others) at going up the various levels. I loved reading and loved that program.
  • I remember being in girl scouts but my favorite part of it was trying to earn the badges and “do the list” to get them
  • I cared less about the meetings or being with the group. I went camping with them and was scared of the coyotes and a girl stole from my suitcase. That was the end of girl scouts. And my fear of tent camping. Although I have been to Minnesota and camped and loved it as young woman.
  • I loved ordering scholastic books from the special orders but we didn’t have a lot of money and I didn’t get to do that very much.
  • I loved ordering those WORLD EXPLORER boxes and would get a kit a couple of times and it showed you about other places in the world. I only got a couple of these but really liked them.
  • I loved social studies (learning about other cultures) and I loved math and doing the problems and trying to find the answers, and I loved science and learning new things about nature, about our bodies, and the weather. Mainly b/c I was scared of tornadoes and hurricanes.
  • I developed a fear of tornadoes when some touched down in Columbia. I was horrified that such things existed and had to know more. I checked out books on tornadoes and hurricanes from the library. I began looking out the windows and pacing every time a dark cloud came. I began dreaming of tornadoes. That enhanced my fear.
  • I was afraid of the dark, afraid of skunks, and was told earlier in life I was afraid of trees b/c of Snow White movie in which the trees bent down toward her.
  • I wanted to learn piano but we couldn’t afford one, so they gave me a guitar but this was not my dream so I didn’t have interest enough to do it. I wanted the piano.
  • I remember wanting to please, wanting to get all my homework assignments, and at this stage began keeping a to do list. Although mainly just for assignments.
  • I remember loving to write, having colored notebook paper, a cute good writing pen and loved my desk in my room. It was my spot. I had a red bean bag chair and also spent hours in it or sitting on my bed.
  • I remember beginning to notice fashion and what others were wearing. I remember wanting to have elephant leg pants like Michelle Bass’s b/c they were so darn cute. lol I also remember wanting to have blond hair instead of brown.
  • I still enjoyed reading but often other things I enjoyed more.
  • I loved writing letters and was a pen pal to my cousin, and people at church camp, and I loved getting the letters back. I began loving “the mail”. Even Mam-ma and I would write each other while in the same household and we set up mail box station when I would visit. I also had a pen pal that I wrote too off of a magazine once and she ended up going to college with me of all things. We met and she said “you were my pen pal”. I had forgotten. But I used to love horses and wrote to her about them. I didn’t remember but she did. Her name was Charbeth Pounders. I also had a friend Belinda I wrote to when she moved to Huntsville, and my friend Opal when she moved. I had boxes and boxes of all those letters saved and I recently threw a lot of them away just b/c it seemed pointless to have someone else have to do it after I pass. I couldn’t throw all of them away, but many are gone in an effort to “release stuff”.
  • Meltdowns? I think this was a pretty happy stage in my life. Any meltdowns probably came from any confrontations that Mom and I had. I was always so upset with myself when I could not please her, or she was mad at me for something, then I would retort back the facts or how I felt – probably in a smart tone – which I got from her lol – b/c I did something she didn’t like or said something smart and it would make her mad and I’d be yelled at or smacked and it hurt my feelings and I would cry. So I would be reinforced again not to share my feelings. Our relationship was sadly not as close as some of my friends had with their Moms. I began noticing that in my early teen years. I was not sure if it was me or her. But I knew she loved me b/c she fed me and kept me clothed and took care of me.
  • I remember developing little crushes on boys in my class room. I remember loving Valentine’s day and hoping to get a card from my favorites. I remember loving annual signing – for a drip of any hint that any of my favorites would write something kind to me. I loved church camp and even church and had some little crushes there. Crushes mainly consisted of just looking at them, wondering about them, and hoping they would notice me and the ultimate – write me a letter. All very innocent.

As a Teen?

  • I remember enjoying making my to do lists for school.
  • I enjoyed having a certain type of notebook and shopping for school. The notebooks had to be special. I loved to keep up with the trending fashions but seemed to always be a bit behind. I always got these things for Christmas though. Enough fashion to be able to “fit in”. I always wanted to fit in. But I was a little shy. I was best at one on one conversations. And sometime didn’t express myself too well. It never came out right so I tried to be quiet a lot. I felt comfort with friends and being able to laugh and “be me”.
  • I loved being organized.
  • I began loving music, TV shows, and we talked about them with friends – our favorite ones, or what was funny or interesting. I loved Valerie Bertinelli and wanted to look like her and be her. She was so cute. I had star crushes on Donny Osmond, Sean Cassidy, and even Leif Garrett of all things b/c I thought he was a cool surfin’ CA dude. I guess he was at the time.
  • I enjoyed school but also enjoyed being out of school and enjoyed going to the pool and even enjoyed being in my room at home listening to music, drawing, writing, talking to friends. I loved listening to John Denver and Linda Rondstadt. I recorded songs from the radio to be played over and over.
  • Friends I would meet at the movies.
  • People starting “going together” and it began to be important to me to have a boy friend. Although my first kiss was on a tin lizzie ride at Opryland from a boy at church when we went under the bridge, I really didn’t start going steady until about 8th grade. They lasted anywhere from two weeks to six weeks – it was crazy. Nothing serious either – just passing notes b/w classes and maybe talk of meeting at the movies on Friday night or the next skating event – often which didn’t work out. We swapped around boyfriends every other week like they were meals on wheels or the flavor of the week. However my eight grade summer I did meet a boy that I “went with” off and on for probably three years and that was a more serious relationship. I broke it off both times if I remember correctly. The first time I just wanted to see other people. The second time I think he had cheated and there were other issues and I needed to break free from all the sadness that was bringing me down from that. And did. He still called some through the years to check on me. We are face book friends now but do not communicate. I had a another serious relationship in high school and had a lot of flirty people around and a lot of boy “friends” that I loved being around and doing things with but they wanted more out of the relationship than I did. There was one I was engaged to and he broke it off as he left for college and it broke my heart deeply. He says his parents made him do it. But then I met another at a drive in movie at the snack booth – that captured my heart, while there with a friend, and my former relationship finally forgotten and eventually married this one -the first marriage – after being together 6 or 7 years. The one that broke up with me though is a facebook friend now and we communicate some but on a very mature level – mostly about health and wellness as he is a scientist and researcher in that field and I’m remembering that at age 16 at Wendy’s he was telling me to not eat fries b/c of the salt. lol He still tells me not to eat sugar and bread on my facebook posts. So all this to say is that boys became prevalent in my teen years in a big way. It was important to me to find the right relationship. But my criteria seemed to be that they had to have a big interest in me, listen to me and enjoy being with me. My big fear was if they cheated on me I’d lose them. However, the one that seemed to be the most interested in me, that did things for me, spent the most time with me – was not the one that was best for me. We were so opposite too. I was organized, he was not. He could pull rabits out of a hat and get people to do things, I could not. He was a smooth talker, I was not. But I envied that. That was my first marriage and that broke me in a big way. My theory backfired. He cheated and lied and broke my heart again. And that led me into a spinning world of “what now” and some rebounding and insecurity which led to a lot of wrong decisions and may of them. And that left me with a fear of not being able to find the right relationship and I’m going down the wrong paths and don’t want to write anymore about all that, but it was a big part of my life and huge section of teen years and coming out of college. My roaring twenties were something. And boy did their roar and wave. More than anything in my life I was traumatized by my twenties. No I didn’t do drugs, didn’t steal, nor get in trouble. But I had several years of relationship struggles of who do I need to be with and why and who is real and who is fake and where am I better off and where would God prefer me to be. The angels administered to me one night so vividly as I made a decision through this phase. I could feel angel wings around me telling me what to do.
  • I was in a struggle of being in love with two people and having to decide which was right for my life. I had not done well in making these decisions before. A lot of people were hurt as I had to make some serious choices and settle. I lost family for a while, for making decisions they didn’t agree with and they withdrew from my life and I retreated into my own as I received letters of disownership and was bound to hell. I was traumatized actually. And to be honest I still am to a degree. While you can all forgive one another, it’s not something you get over really when you think love is to be unconditional. It makes you question everyone the rest of your life. It seems that people in your life leave you when you need them the most. But I couldn’t talk to anyone for fear of being judged. And judged I was. To top it off I was given all of my college loans to pay off as a reward for my decisions and to release their burden of my sins. But I had to keep going or kill myself and I chose to live and make a life for my self and a fairly happy one at that. We struggled with the financial debt and made it. God has had understanding and of what was really happening and has blessed us and was with me the entire time. He sees, he knows my heart and how it works and how things came to be and sees when no one else does. He has been the only constant unwavering one in my life. As choices go. I do think I made a good one. I think there are more Godly and righteous outcomes in the decisions I’ve made even though they may have seemed wrong to others at the time or against God’s will or word at the time. But God had a plan and he was all raveled up in it along with me. Whew that is deep and hard to write about. I am just now getting to where I can talk about it some. On to some light stuff. I jumped way in advance to early adulthood there but the teens led up to it. Now back to the teen world….
  • I remember wanting to travel and go to Hawaii with my friend Sheila
  • I remember starting work so I could do just that. And did. And got the best tan of my life. I remember feeling alive after traveling and having that experience to talk about with others. Not that I was proud – I was just excited to share.
  • I remember wanting to be a cheerleader so I figured that out and did what I had to do to do that. I remember it not being my best thing. I was awkward, goofy, and just really wanted to be liked and popular, but I was not athletic, and not a climber and hated heights and didn’t want anyone on top of my shoulders either as I couldn’t support the weight, so this was not my best in life, but luckily no one cared as we were not that serious into gymnastics and all that. For the most part there was another girl just like me and we became fast friends, laughed a lot, bonded and I wish I knew where she was today. Pam White. Where are you? “Things are just peachy” was our saying.
  • I remember selling Pop Corn and Candy tins to earn my cheer uniform and was top of the sales in our group b/c I was so focused and didn’t want Mom and Dad to have to pay for too much of it.
  • I hated cheer leading camp. I discovered I couldn’t learn the routines as fast as the other girls could and it was frustrating to me. What was wrong with my brain? It bothered me a lot.
  • I still kept my fear of storms but my fear of fitting in with people decreased because I had a lot of friends and had people in my life that really cared and accepted me for who I was. Life was big.
  • I was determined to keep my grades up with A’s and B’s, began working in jewelry and accessories at Park’s Belk, and was dating and cheering and also seeing friends and studying late into the night. Dad would tell me to go to bed soon and I would stay up and get homework. It was busy times. I had my life together though, was in routine and managed to do everything I wanted and intended until those nights where there were two or three tests to study for at one night. Somehow I managed.
  • I remember taking home economics and loved learning how to sew and to cook. I loved developing new routines and making biscuits and popovers and a sewed a dress. I wanted to continue but Mom’s sewing machines was so hard to use compared to the one at school. Neither Mom nor I had patience to deal with teaching/learning hers so I gave up on the sewing. It’s always been something I’ve wanted to continue doing as I enjoyed working toward that final product but it’s not something I’ve taken the time to do. Too much involved. Have to find the right sewing machine and then have to reteach myself. Or take classes and the the time. But I did have a love for cooking. Mostly I’ve collected recipes and though about cooking as George likes cooking more than I do now.
  • I remember wanting to be settled, to have a house or place of my own, to do the grocery shopping and meal planning and to decorate. These things excited me so much.
  • I also loved fashion and enjoyed the new trends. I loved being involved in retail at work and selling it and wearing it. And showing it to others as they came in the store. I loved my job at Belk’s too and was good at the admin part of it and the displays. I did all the counts and inventories, set up the displays for new merch coming in, put things on sale (did the markdowns) and kept up with the sheets on it. I was also used in the back to open up the boxes and price things going out on the floor and matching it up to the orders as received. That was fun. I worked a lot of hours in the summer helping out back there. I hated to leave my job for college so they let me work on the weekends. lol.
  • As a teen my meltdowns were usually over boys, what I was allowed to do or not allowed to do with Mom, or not being focused on what Mom wanted me to focus on instead of what I wanted to focus on. And that is about it. I never really had a lot of worries other than whether or not I would meet my next goal. Or having a clash with work and friends or work and school. Cheering and work and being a teen were hard and sometimes I had meltdowns b/c I had to make choices. I had to drop chemistry b/c I didn’t have time to study and I was failing it.
  • Getting in trouble? Probably was because I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. Going the long route to church to get a donut, going across town to get the music album I wanted b/c they didn’t have it on my side of town. Going riding around instead of going to the movies. Going riding around instead of going to Burger king. We didn’t do anything wrong, we just wanted to see who we could see. We used to “cruise” lol
  • But I loved dreaming about the future, experiencing new things, enjoying new music, and thinking about being independent and living away one day. That said, I loved having a boyfriend as that was my ticket to ride and I wanted someone to truly care about me and wanted to have someone to love and fuss over. But I wanted my education and independence too.

As an adult?

  • I’ve loved keeping house and being in routines still
  • I bought myself a keyboard and learned how to play the piano and enjoyed it for many hours. But I let it go after having Katy and had life to attend to.
  • Until my late forties and fifties, I watched the Weather Channel, read hurricane and tornado books and finally now that I have a basement my fear has subsided some. I still don’t like to be in a storm but I love to watch them. I do feel trust from God to protect me.
  • I began to have fear of flying, but have overcome it for the most part. I have a respect for it as they say. I realize things can go wrong but trust the statistics of car vs plane and have been willing to take the risks, understanding that if God says its time…it is. I still have fear if I think about it much.
  • I love researching new things and having goals.
  • It was important to be married to have a family and I’ve loved being a Momma.
  • A career has been important to me and being focused on that has allowed my administrative, my intuitive, research, writing skills to come to value.
  • I still love nature, but also still love being indoors and all cozy in my decorated climate.
  • I still long for travel and exploration.
  • I still love my music, having friends and being able to talk openly with friends.
  • I still love planning for the future, having to do lists, and wanting to accomplish goals.
  • I have meltdowns when I get frustrated, feel mistreated, or feel overwhelmed.
  • I still get in trouble for saying how I feel or telling the truth. I still feel afraid to discuss things with authority in case I will get in trouble for saying what I feel.
  • People still misunderstand me and I’m sure I’m mistreated still for saying what I feel.

So having done this exercise I see that I have a lot of themes running throughout. Always looking for new things, but liking my routines, always looking for adventure and travel, loving music, reading, writing, having to do lists, being busy, planning life, running things administratively, wondering about God, and hoping that someone loves me enough to spend time with me, which George does. I still am afraid of the weather some, afraid of fitting in, of getting lost or not knowing what to do, of doing something goofy. I still have a distrust of people at times and a weariness of how people are as most of us do at 56 and have been through things. You just learn.

I enjoy a lot of the same things, have more freedom now of course, very independent, still dream and still have meltdowns over much of the same. While I’ve learned from some of my mistakes – I’ve learned not to get into situations where you have to make tough choices – nothing in life is worth being traumatized over. I still get in trouble for telling the truth and saying what I feel. So we learn some lessons, some things we didn’t intend on learning or shouldn’t have learned. But we did. Not only did we learn what we are made of – that we are stronger than we think. We also learned maybe some others are not as strong as we thought. And we learned that God makes good things come from bad situations. But we see the threads of life throughout.

So I’m an ambitious, God seeking, work oriented, to do list lover, routine seeking, adventure seeking, travel seeking, challenge seeking, meltdowner of frustration, misunderstanding, and overwhelmedness. I am troublebound master of saying what I feel and telling the truth as I see it. Some things change and most things don’t. But I’m a survivor and resilient and I am good enough for anything I want to attempt at life and most of which I have if I set my mind to it. I’m independent and love God more today than yesterday for what all He has done for me. He loved me and has stayed with me through all of my decisions, my sins, my challenges, my good times and has provided me with blessings and mercy.

Praise the Lord I know who I am and who I was meant to be. A feather in the wind, it doesn’t matter. I’m here and I’m HIS!

Questions? And Other Thoughts over Coffee!

I thought I’d do something different and let you all ask questions and I will answer them in an upcoming blog session. The coffee is so good this morning.

Just a blip of a blog today. It’s Friday. The week has gone well for the most part. The hours are getting better. Although I could have worked til midnight each night if I stayed to do the HR part, but I’m tired and burned out from all the hours now, and worked the HR part over the weekend and anything I get done now will have to be during the normal hours when everyone else is working or just not get done. I would grimace when I was the first one there and last one to leave. But that was important for my efforts in learning the job and being baptized by fire into it. It was my choice to move and I had to sink in it or swim, and I wanted to be a champion swimmer at it. But I’m tired now.

I noticed yesterday that I was just weary. And I had planned to go get my nails done. We had a problem with one of our uploads/downloads (both really) and I didn’t get one piece done that needs to be done, but it can be done today. One can hope. So I left at 4:30 yesterday and got nails and toes done. It was relaxing to get the pedi done, but I’ve gotten to where I don’t like having to sit for the “solar” nails to be done. lol It’s mainly b/c I am so tired when I get there. Especially after getting the pedi and you are all relaxed. I’m not complaining, just explaining – that’s how tired I was. I’ve not slept well a couple of nights this week – waking up at 2 a.m. And so I was feeling it – all day yesterday.

I slept really good last night though but my eyes and my persona are still a little weary and draggy today. I don’t have my persistent power up to full speed this morning. My “care factor” is at the bottom. I need rest, rejuvy, and to have my mind focus on other things besides work.

I have been doing Tropical Farmville this week and in the previous weeks as a way to relax my mind from all the worry of the job changes. Some things are still not settled – like my salary wage. I’ve given what my rock bottom allowance of it will be to take the job but have not been officially told what it will change to and that makes me nervous. I mean who does this, who does a job w/o knowing what the pay is? Me I guess. So there are still things to worry about. I don’t think anyone will screw me over, but you know me – I always worry about the unknown. I am familiar with life and I know how things can go south. So I’m ready for it all to be settled, a new person in my old position and trained, and me knowing what my rate will be and happy with it. If all that works out then life can go on. If it doesn’t then we’ll have to figure out what life holds next. But playing this game when I get home keeps my mind off all the things I have a tendency to worry about. So things are still very much up in the air with the whole thing until all resolved. And this in itself can be tiring. But I’m used to having to wait for everything in life. I can say that this is a first for this particular thing as it’s unusual to take a job w/o knowing the salary. I’ve asked, but haven’t heard – so maybe it will stay the same. And that is fine. Because it is a lot of work and with old systems and programs. And a lot of responsibility. And a lot of plants.

And I have been reading Joe Russo’s book – about the couple leaving their jobs to go RV’ng full time. lol Why I tease myself with this stuff I’ll never know. But at least it’s fun reading and watching about it if I can’t do it myself. It’s fun to have a dream. It’s fun to imagine doing it. So many people are now and doing it successfully and working from the road.

Anyway, I said I was not going to blog much today. Doesn’t that always happen? And it’s 6 and I should be on the road already, but it’s Friday and I’ve put way more hours in – in the last few weeks than a body should have so if I end up working a normal day today then so be it! 😉

Ya’ll have a wonderful day. Going to be the weekend soon. George and I are eating Sushi for dinner and then have a weekend planned with friends. Then Sunday afternoon will be rushing to get ready for the work week – laundry, Isagenix paks for the week, ironing, house cleaned, grocery run, and such.

I’m also trying to get ideas for how to change up the kitchen. What it really needs is new flooring, new stove, new countertops – but since I can’t have that I will change everything else I can change. I’ve waited for years to be done with that floor. Still there. Not surprised? Me neither. George won’t replace anything if it is not broken unless we have a Come to Jesus meetin’ about it and there is usually shoutin’ and stompin’ before the conversation is finished. As Momma says “time to put your foot down”. However, I choose my battles. And if I can be satisfied with totally rearranging the kitchen otherwise I will get it out of my system. I understand flooring and appliances and countertops can be expensive and we’ve chosen other priorities in life to do first. So I get it. So I’ve not pushed it. We’ve upgraded a lot – sofa, big TV, really nice fridge – so it will happen in time. But I’m ready for a do over in the kitchen and I want to start cooking some more but it’s not efficient right now. Some things need to go, some things need to be rearranged. So I’ll be on a Pinterest excursion soon to get ideas. My head is starting to get some ideas. I want it to be functional, cute, and easier to work in. Rearranging, discarding, containers or space savers, and even decor are things I’ll be considering.

Well, I better get to work. But I’m moving slow today. Turtle speed it is. I’m weary, tired, and ready for my weekend. I really should have taken the day off. But still too much work to finish up. I am starting to look at the calendar though to plan a couple of days off in the fall. On Friday’s.

What fun things are YOU doing this weekend?

Looking Forward to….

Looking Ahead

In looking ahead to the future….I find myself looking forward to several things:

  1. Enjoying the new things we’ve recently ordered: Omaha Steaks, jewelry (fashion), and the personal apparel previously mentioned (new bras I’ve needed for ages).
  2. Reorganizing the kitchen – a complete redoing – like – probably gonna take a vacay day to do it. And it will be dramatically different.
  3. Getting my car washed and doing the inside.
  4. Getting my mani-pedi after work today.
  5. Getting some time off Vacay day – I need to schedule it. I thought they’d be hiring an HR person soon but don’t see any sign of it but I’m taking a day off before long either in Sept or Oct or both. It’ll be on a Friday.
  6. Our anniversary in September and even looking forward to planning it. Mainly where to eat. lol
  7. Thanksgiving and going to Texas
  8. This weekend and spending time with friends.
  9. Having Mom come up for a weekend near Thanksgiving so we can also have a family meal with her.
  10. Christmas Village (if we are not in Texas that weekend – I think we might be – have to check.)
  11. Fall – I’m looking forward to cooler weather and playing with the clothes – love to switch the clothes around.
  12. Getting my Apple Mac computer for Christmas. 😉
  13. Getting new eyeglasses, which also requires some time off from work b/c the place I’m going is not open on weekends.

I know there are more things that I’m looking forward to that I failed to mention but time is of essence and I need to skedaddle to work.

What are three things YOU are looking forward to?

Things that have Purpose and Meaning…

Good morning! The coffee is good this morning. But it is the most serious day of the week. That used to be Monday. Monday is a prep day now. Tuesday is where “the beef meets the bun”, the “rubber meets the road” and payroll comes together and closes. Gotta make it happen. The world has to go away for about 48 hours til everything is closed, direct deposits complete and check stubs go out. Then the after payroll starts with check runs to agencies and paying taxes.

I spoke with someone on our team – My new department. I am not sure who I report to officially but probably two people. Anyway the person that would be my back up when I’m on vacay has agreed to do the payroll while we are gone to see Katy so we will get to go later in the year around Thanksgiving. I am so relieved and thankful for this “gift”. It is not easy for her doing this for me as it is a short week and she has company coming to her house too for the holidays. It is truly a gift of giving to allow me to do this and I am more than grateful. I will get to see my girl and actually get to hang with her around Texas. And our family will get a vacation again. Which I’ve missed. The travels to places for work have been great but it’s not the same. I like adventure and experiencing it with family.And I will not be doing any more work travel anyway. I appreciate getting to see places I’d not have been able to see. So thankful for that opportunity too. It took the edge off of my adventure needs I guess. (I still dream of RV’ing and watch with great desire as my RV’er You Tubers have managed to pull it off with the one they love. The one I love does not support my dream so much. And doesn’t even really have a dream that I can tell other than to not owe anyone anything. So I’m left to dream alone.) But I am so happy to be able to go to Texas. Elated, matter of fact.

That said, the week after is going to be hell, b/c I will have a lot of the week’s work to do on top of the payroll run, but we’ll get through it.

Still no word on an HR Replacement but I began working shorter hours yesterday. I left at 5:35. I’ve decided I’m no longer going to live there. There’s just going to be some things that the HR MGR will have to catch up on when they get there. I’m trying to get the Sept people in insurance so no one goes without but a lot of this other stuff is going to have to wait til someone comes on. I’ve told my assistant she can have overtime to help with the role as she has had to help with the hiring/ads and such. I just can’t do both payroll and recruiting. It was hard to recruit and do HR too as it was. One reason I moved over. At least a payroll can close. It’s a never ending cycle to hire. And prefer not banging a head against a wall repeatedly. So at least my schedule is somewhat steady and I know what I’ll be doing when I go in. And can see something to a finish. And that is rewarding.

Well I was going to come in and give a quick hello and rush out. But as usual, I keep writing. Have to have my fill.

This week’s to do list involves ordering a $49.99 special of Omaha Steaks, as I have an ad deal. And I need to order a curling hair brush b/c my cheap one actually messes my hair up more than it helps. My old one broke. And I want to order a black necklace to go with my outfits as this one I have the silver turned. And I need to order some new bras. Might as well just throw that out there. Nothing like having support – lol!

I look forward to ordering things on the internet! But also like to shop in person more than I admit – just no time to do so.

Personal things I want to do around here that have been rolling around in my head now I’m not totally consumed with ALL THINGS PAYROLL: finishing some books, my evergoing magazine project, cook more, and go through and get rid of things I no longer use, or clean things out – like the hallway closet – of old soaps and lotions that I’m never going to use. Just so much to do. I’m wanting to enjoy life now. I am going to get my life back in many ways. The job is no longer allowed to consume me – the reason I switched and so hopefully the replacement will be here since I’m not getting to do that job properly. I’m ready to claim my life back and live. I also am not going to be selling my soul toward any purpose other than God’s will or my own or my family’s/friends of course. I’m wanting to fill my time with things that have purpose and meaning. And I’ll end with that.

Air Fryer Rocks

George’s Air Fryer

She’s a beauty. I wanted it to be easy to use, easy to clean. And this one is. George fixed fried okra last night in it. Tasted so good without all the oil. It was very crispy. It was recommended to take it out and toss it in just a bit of melted coconut oil mid way through and put it back in. It took just a few minutes and was so good. Tasted like the real thing without all the grease. We’ll be trying chicken soon. And I want to make some air fried chic peas and crunch those up. I think we like it enough to keep it on the counter. There’s room and it looks pretty hot just sitting there next to the coffee pot. lol

We had a fabulous dinner last night of veggies from the farmer’s market. The squash was really good too. It’s covered up with the air fried okra.

Now today is cleanse day. I think I’m finally able to do a cleanse day. I can really tell a difference as my belly comes back when I don’t do a cleanse day. It resets your body somehow to have this down day. And it releases deep fat (that builds around the organs) and toxins. So I’ve missed them and feel like Monday’s is probably the best now. I love this program and I’m so glad I have it.

I overslept this morning. I slept a full 8 hours and 15 minutes. Wow! George had to wake me up. My alarm did not go off. Maybe that is a God thing. I had strange dreams about work but after thinking it through – it’s actually pretty normal. lol I feel a lot of relief going into the payroll function and will be glad to just have to focus on a few things – even if it takes a lot to get those few things done. Payroll and taxes.

I went in and worked yesterday. I just needed to get a start on the 30 something people that I have to enroll for September. Our biggest month would have to be this one when I don’t have time to do this. I was able to get all of their deduction forms completed for payroll and get them all looked up with their rate of pay and information and got them in my benefit spreadsheet. But even after working on it, I still have to go in and add them to each of the benefit programs on line (3 websites). So I will try to work on a few each day. I can tell you right now, I don’t want to be working weekends, so they better find someone soon. I’m not going to be working these hours for much longer. I’m going to start going in later and getting off earlier. And will be looking to plan some vacay time. And we’ll put a tribe has spoken sign after this one. I really need my down time. And it WILL happen, come hell, high water. Some things may just have to be left undone. Sonya is reaching her limit now. It’s already been reached actually. I told you I would be in a bad mood having to go in on Monday if I’ve had to work the weekend. It’s so true. So we are all going to have to deal with my bad mood now. Maybe that is why God didn’t allow my alarm clock to go off. It probably helped to get that sleep in. Nehh, I’m not really in a bad mood, but I am certain that these hours are going to STOP. One way or the other. Some things we just KNOW! lol